Your Brand's Playlist is Giving Dentist Office Vibes: A Music Intervention

Let's be honest. Your brand's music situation is a disaster.

You're either playing royalty-free elevator music that makes people want to file their taxes, or you've got some intern's "Chill Vibes Only" Spotify playlist that includes both Enya and death metal. There's no in-between, and both options are sending customers running for the exit.

But fear not! We're here to talk about music consultancy—aka hiring people who actually know what they're doing with sound so you can stop torturing your customers.

WTF is Music Consultancy Anyway?

Music consultancy is when you admit you have a problem (your sound identity is non-existent or catastrophically bad) and hire professionals to fix it.

What do these magical sound wizards do?

• Sound Strategy Development: They figure out what your brand should sound like (spoiler: probably not the Macarena)

• Music Selection: They pick songs that don't make people dissociate

• Custom Music Creation: They can literally create music just for you, like you're important or something

• Implementation: They make sure your sound shows up everywhere without being annoying (harder than it sounds)

Basically, they're like therapists, but for your brand's ears.

Why Sound Matters (Besides the Obvious)

1. Emotional Manipulation (But Make It Legal)

Music makes people FEEL things. The right song can make someone weep into their latte or suddenly feel like they can run through a wall.

Examples:

• Luxury brands use classical music to whisper "you're fancy now, spend $400 on a candle"

• Tech startups blast electronic beats that scream "we're innovative and definitely not running out of funding"

• Your local artisanal pickle shop plays indie folk to convince you fermentation is a personality trait

  
  

2. Brand Recognition (Or: Getting Stuck in People's Heads Like Gum)

Remember that jingle from 2003 that you still can't get out of your head? That's not an accident. That's warfare.

Sound logos and jingles are like tattoos for your brain. Once they're in there, good luck evicting them. McDonald's "ba da ba ba ba"? You just heard it, didn't you? You're welcome.

3. Keeping People Around Longer

The right music makes people want to stay. The wrong music makes them speed-walk to the exit like they're being chased.

Ever wonder why casinos don't have windows OR clocks? Now add hypnotic background music and baby, you've got a recipe for "wait, it's been 6 hours?"

4. Standing Out in a Sea of Mediocrity

In a world where every coffee shop sounds like the same lo-fi hip-hop YouTube stream, having a UNIQUE sound is your secret weapon.

Be the brand that people recognize just by hearing. Be iconic. Be memorable. Be anything except that place that plays "Closing Time" at 2 PM.

Building Your Sound Identity (A Journey)

Step 1: Know Thyself (But for Your Brand)

Before you pick a single song, answer these existential questions:

• What emotions do you want to trigger? (Existential dread is not a valid answer)

• What's your message? (Beyond "please buy our stuff")

• Who's your audience? (And "everyone" is still not an answer)

  
  

Step 2: Stalk Your Audience (Musically Speaking)

Find out what your people actually listen to. Run surveys. Creep on their Spotify Wrapped. Whatever it takes.

Just... please don't assume all millennials like the same music. We're begging you.

Step 3: Genre Shopping

Different vibes, different tribes:

• Pop: Fun, energetic, probably about heartbreak somehow

• Jazz: "We have a wine list and opinions about it"

• Indie: "We're quirky and our coffee costs $8"

• Classical: "Look at us being sophisticated and having good posture"

• EDM: "IT'S ENERGY DRINK O'CLOCK BABY"

• Lo-fi: "We have plants and anxiety"

  
  

Step 4: Hire a Professional Before You Embarrass Yourself

Get a music consultant. Let them work their magic. Trust the process.

Brands That Didn't Mess It Up

Coca-Cola

Their jingles are so catchy it should be illegal. They make carbonated sugar water sound like liquid happiness. It's witchcraft.

Apple

Their product launches sound like the future is being born. Meanwhile, your product launches sound like someone accidentally left their mic on during a bathroom break.

Starbucks

Say what you want about $7 lattes, but their music makes you WANT to overpay while pretending to work on your screenplay.

Where to Put Your Sound (That Didn't Come Out Right)

In Your Physical Space

If you have a store, your playlist is part of the furniture. Choose wisely. Volume matters too—people shouldn't have to yell over your "vibe."

Pro tip: Match the music to the time of day. Upbeat morning jams, chill afternoon tunes, and for the love of all that's holy, nothing depressing during lunch rush.

Online

• Videos: Background music that doesn't fight with dialogue

• Website: Subtle sound effects that don't make people jump

• Streaming playlists: Show off your brand personality (but make it listenable)

Events

Your product launch music should slap harder than your actual product. This is the law.

Social Media

Use trending sounds, but only if they make sense. Don't be that brand using a sad audio for a "New product alert! 🎉" post. Read the room.

Measuring If Your Sound Strategy Actually Works

Ask Your Customers

"Does our music make you want to stay or flee?" should be a standard survey question, honestly.

Check Your Sales

Did people buy more stuff after you fixed your audio situation? Correlation might not be causation, but it's a start.

Social Media Stalking

Are people engaging more? Sharing more? Actually watching your videos instead of scrolling past? That's the good stuff.

The Future is Loud (But Like, Tastefully Loud)

Coming soon to a brand near you:

1. Personalized Sound Experiences: AI that knows you like yacht rock and adjusts accordingly

2. VR Sound Design: Because regular reality wasn't immersive enough

3. Sustainable Music: Supporting local artists instead of playing Spotify's "Generic Coffee Shop Playlist #47" for the millionth time

   
   

The Uncomfortable Truth

Your brand's sound matters more than you think. It's the difference between "I love this place" and "why does this place give me the ick?"

Music consultancy isn't just for huge corporations with bloated marketing budgets. It's for anyone who's tired of their customers describing their brand's vibe as "dentist office waiting room."

You wouldn't let a random person design your logo, right? So why are you letting Kyle the intern, who exclusively listens to video game soundtracks, control what plays in your store?

The Bottom Line (The One You Actually Needed)

Sound is not optional. It's not an afterthought. It's not something you figure out the morning of your grand opening.

Your brand needs a sound identity that doesn't make people want to remove their own ears.

Get a music consultant. Build a strategy. Stop playing that royalty-free ukulele track that every YouTube video from 2015 used.

Your ears will thank you. Your customers will thank you. The universe will thank you.

Now if you'll excuse us, we need to go listen to literally anything except "Girl from Ipanema" for the 800th time this week.

Did this strike a chord? (Sorry.) Want to roast your current playlist? Still can't get that jingle out of your head? Let us know, or just keep humming it—we know you are.